Country Woman Studio

Never Mind the Mess…

painting space

Moon Woman

I am very weary lately.

My body has been behaving badly. Chronic illness never lets you forget you cannot reach what you cannot find. It is a lonely place where the one who is ill is often invisible or good at pretending everything is fine. However… No thing is fine. I have a complex mess of autoimmune diseases. As I age, I get more because my immune system is not doing what it was designed to do.
HEAL the body!

frida kahlo painting body cast

Frida Kahlo once said she painted her pain upon her body casts because she had to. I understand.
As time went on to it’s inevitable destination, she said she did not need feet as she had wings to fly.
Fly she did…

A new immune disorder has emerged this past few years. Asthma.  The diagnosis explains much of what has plagued me for decades.
Mast Cell Activation Disorder/disease/syndrome.(they haven’t decided at last check)

With this comes a hematologist, allergist, pulmonary specialist, cardiologist, GI doctors, neurosurgeons(degenerative discs), oral surgeon …  As life would have it, my doctor of 20+ years retired last year to sail the Pacific. And he is. His departure led me down a rabbit hole. I didn’t have the heart nor energy to find another doctor in my journey toward some semblance of health. I was tired with little money to spend out of pocket. It was difficult and grim to face so many unexpected, troubling obstacles AND find another doctor to take his place. I did nothing for a year and more.

Life goes on,
la dee dah…

Any blood disorder involving the white blood cells isn’t good…

Mine are dying or degenerating. They’re not supposed to do that. Remnants of these cells lodge in the body where they don’t belong, like the esophagus, lungs, stomach. Even the brain. They cause a vast network of inflammation and disease that is little understood.

 I have disease in all these places.

Doctors had few answers  until recently. In my case – possible Eosinophilic mastocytosis. [Doubtful on the spelling]
There is no cure. There is no cure. There is no cure.

Sort of bothers bothers bothers me. Point being, what. why. Oh, and now what.

We shall see. I’m not much into being bored for a spinal tap but, IF needed, I hope they can do it whilst I’m under anesthesia. 3 hours seems long enough for the whole place to get their work done given a good coordinator, whom I have found, and a very demanding patient BEFORE needles go in.

I must share One lovely discovery several days ago.

I had seen a little hummer nest in my olive tree. She had laid three tiny eggs. I have no idea how this little being could sustain herself so well with the pouring rains, frightening winds and swaying branch! But her nest has held tightly and with my binoculars I spy two tiny hummies, peaks pointed upwards.. I put a feeder just close enough to give her at least a bit of what she needed. And, fingers crossed 🤞 I think they will make it. I consider it an omen. 😊



So that’s my excuse for the sudden silence which might look like a lack of care when really I simply can’t get out of bed or string words together. Somehow next week I have to because I have a couple of docs to see. And inevitable blood work and such.

One is my good old GI doctor of over 30 years.  I am having a double scope to avoid two anesthesias since they need to really peer inside my entrails from one end to the other and pick away for a few hours. And I’m not as young now so I guess they will be gentle? Hah!

I have a dysfunctional esophagus that needs some help and, thanks to ulcerative colitis, I grow bad polyps amongst other things and am 2 years behind on my colonoscopy schedule. Don’t think I didn’t know that. It’s just I was missing some pertinent information. Like they were “precancerous” last time.

You would think this would scare me but it’s not the first time nor the last.

He tells me he’ll fix that nasty prep so it stays in me and exits, not via my mouth, but the other end. Do I believe that? Hah, hardly! They’ll have to use a hose. It’s not my problem and I’m sure they will.

Just Raining Here

Really all it’s doing here is raining anyway. SAD [or depression] is slightly a problem! That and many other things…. in all these years in this medium, I think this might be my most depressing post but life sometimes becomes more than one needs to cope with.

Especially of late.
I look forward to my favorite season when my roses bloom and I can sit in the blessed sunlight, visualizing its healing warmth bringing New for yet another season.

Little Sunflowers

Little Sunflowers

In order to make progress, there is only NATURE,

and the eye is turned through contact with her.

Paul Cezanne

13 thoughts on “Chronic Illness Again. Maybe I’ll Give This Up + One Story Why I Probably Won’t.

  1. These autoimmune conditions are a constant source of bad surprises. Having not had much extra diagnosed for a while, II thought I was on a sort of plateau. Then the Sjorgen’s Syndrome aspect kicked in (massively dry mouth and dry eyes, the former ruining my gums) and now LCSSC has affected my lungs and I have a ‘leaky valve’. Marvellous! xx

    1. L'Adelaide says:

      Ah dear Sarah,
      It is good to hear from you again. Thank you for leaving me your wise words on dealing with life and illness in a graceful way. I am sorry to hear about the SS having caught you. Dreadful side effects it sounds like. I don’t have any discs in my jaws left due to degeneration[DDD] thus cannot keep my mouth closed when asleep and am losing teeth, many sore throats(might be cause of all the other things going wrong) but it’s really a pain. That leaky valve I presume is in your heart? Or in your stomach? I wasn’t sure. I thought I was going to read leaky gut, another issue entirely. 😉 Stay in touch dear and email me anytime for quiet conversation away from the fray!

      How are you doing on zazzle, red bubble. Is it worth it to try? I’ve had a hard time getting that side of my life off the ground mainly because i cannot keep well long enough right now. I think it has potential but how do you choose what image to put where?? I’d really like to know! xox

      1. It’s the lungs! Such a sweet reply from such a sweet lady. Thank you. I’m getting more and more toothless, not that that will be any comfort to you. Almost every week since I moved to the Isle of Wight from Crete last July, I’ve had dental and hospital visits. Bored now! Sore throat is also part of SS. Until I realised what was happening and had confirmation, I kept thinking I was starting a cold that never actually occurred. I get most money from Zazzle but it is a bore to keep up with because you have to add the image to each product in turn. There is a ‘Quick Create’ option but it doesn’t include all the products. Needless to say, some of the products I like to put my work on, are not included. I earn occasional pennies from Redbubble and FAA but really not much at all. However, it’s just a question of uploading the image and it goes on the products (very much less than Zazzle) they offer. You just have to check and adjust each product to make sure the image covers all. I suggest Zazzle would be best and just choose a few products such as greeting cards and posters. I’ve stopped doing some of the products I used to sell, partly because they didn’t sell (!) and partly because I didn’t like the products. Take care, Sarah xx

        1. L'Adelaide says:

          You are kind to reply at length about this. it is really tiring to keep up with. i quit shopify because i couldn’t do it. i wish i could but it seems to require lots more than i’ve got to give it. i thought of zazzle because it looks like they do most of it all. do you have an etsy shop? i put one up and it wasn’t that easy but played around for a week when i was just laying around the house a few weeks back. now it’s up but seems if i don’t keep adding new things it becomes lost in the fray. that’s where i’m not good. the continual keeping up… maybe i’ll look into zazzle, you didn’t mention any cost to you? is there any or negligible. i will go onto the site and figure it out, no worries.

          i have a friend on FAA and nothing ever sells so staying away from them.

          i wish you were feeling better, dear. hoping your new nest is suiting you well-i’m sure it is. 😉

          1. There’s no cost to add your stuff but the downside is that, depending on how much mark-up you give the products, the commission isn’t great. It’s promoting the work as well that is exhausting. I know exactly what you mean. I am on Etsy and have been for some years but keep not getting round to putting digital downloads up for sale!

            1. L'Adelaide says:

              Yes, it is the constant drumbeat one must keep that has worn me out… did so very quickly. ah well… 😉
              take care of you!

    2. L'Adelaide says:

      I had to republish one of my older posts to help this newer post make sense. 🙂 Thank you for leaving me a comment, my dear. xx

  2. Clanmother says:

    Take good care, my dear friend. Your path is not for the faint of heart.

    1. L'Adelaide says:

      Thank you Rebecca… No it’s not and I’m growing tougher with the years not remotely faint of heart! Wishing i could be one of those kind, sweet little old ladies but it’s just not in ‘me’. i’ve battled lifelong with illness… it just gives you a leathery skin without the tan! and maybe a tad bit more wisdom and compassion for myself and others. xox

  3. Sue Vincent says:

    Hope all goes well…it is a lousy place to be.

    1. L'Adelaide says:

      Hello Sue!
      Thank you for your kind words. Apologies, I’m a bit behind here! 🙃 Stay well, my friend! xx

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